Soccer 101

Back row - Player/coach Marshall. Middle Row - Nick, Sarah, Unfit Beetroot, Dwayne-o.
Front Row - Player/mentor Morris.

Soccer. Football. That thing that I played for a season when I was six. Somehow, as I reported earlier, I got roped into joining a NHFC soccer team. I was originally under the impression that this would be a summer-long event (and I'd get this much time to work out offside rules) . Turns out though, that we get just two weeks of soccer hooliganism before 'soccer's out for summer, kids...!' We are, however, making the most of it. Soccer Mum Pip showers us with regular motivating emails, even if she's not too hot on the half-time oranges.

Pip 'Soccer Mom' Walls - guns all ready for post-goal celebration.

Subject: Tomorrow's practise, we need it.
Afternoon team, OK so we should all meet up tomorrow afternoon @ Logan park for a practise. how about from 5.30! Coach Marshall can take us through some rigorous drills and technique. Can you bring the ball! Uncle Morris will be collecting the subs you all owe him, so bring some cash for him please! Remember your headband Sara!, Shorter shorts for jinty! and bring along your flatty Dwayne. Hey Robot I have included you on this email cos you Muppet's need as much practise as we do! If you can't make it, don't cry over it, just turn up if you can. ace!!!! Love your soccer mom xxxxxxx.

Uh...butt-toning?!

Under the critical eyes of the experienced Marshall/Morris duo, we are currently reaching new heights of footballing skill. Two losses last week, sure - but we are positive that after this week's mammoth 2 HOUR training session, we're prepared for whatever the opposition throw at us. We have discovered our team members' weak points - squeeling loudly in Dawayne-o or Nick's ears renders them incabable of any form of defence (or attack); Pip's weak point is her bung knee; Sarah's head is a little prone to getting hit by the ball; without my contact lenses in I tend to gift the ball to the opponents (or is that with lenses too...?!) Now that we know the odds, we'll beat them! Right guys?! Bring on tomorrow's double header, I say! Hopefully we'll be taking on Zoology's Muppet team...watch out Robot and Co - here we come!

"More committment next time you two! I want that goal!"